- Preamble to The Conservative Declaration, The Heritage Foundation.
The Heritage Foundation is currently seeking right wingers to sign on to the Conservative Declaration, which is intended to reframe the venerable Declaration of Independence as a conservative document. The Conservative Declaration insists that "America is under siege by radicals whose mission is to slowly and deliberately dismantle the principles of that original declaration." The result: "America is looking less and less like the America of the Founding Fathers."
We encounter a bewildered George Washington in his country estate of Mount Vernon, on the shores of the Potomac River in Northern Virginia.
"Martha, where is my brown broadcloth suit and my white silk stockings and my silver shoe buckles? I have to prepare for my travels to Philadelphia. We are putting together the Declaration of Independence as you know."
"George, I've told you, people here no longer wear those articles. You must dress in the current style ... those black, full-length pants with pin-stripes laid out on the bed ... along with that short black coat and plain shirt and red tie."
"Well instruct Christopher to get up here to help me dress. And get me my powdered wig."
Martha gets an exasperated look, "George, they no longer allow manslaves in this country. You will have to dress yourself ... or pay for a manservant. And wigs are no longer in fashion!"
"Well I can't believe it. What kind of country is this? Have they removed my property from me with no redress? This is a moral (and financial) outrage. I shall deal with it when I get back. Right now, I must get ready. I must be in Philadelphia in three days."
"George, I'm told that you can be there by twelve of the clock today. They no longer travel by horse and carriage. There are various means of mechanical transport including a horseless vehicle that travels upon a turnpike of stone, a machine that flies through the air, or carriages that move upon tracks set in the ground."
"I can be there today? That is scarce to be believed. Surely these contrivances must travel at a high velocity. I fear that my body cannot survive such an endeavor. But if the natives in these days can travel by these means, I suppose with the help of Providence, I can as well. But I will definitely not move through the air if such a thing were to be believed. And how will I get a post to Mr. Jefferson and Mr. Hancock with my plans?"
Martha replied, "I am told that you can "text" them using this device. They will instantly get the dispatch."
"Will these miracles never cease? But with all this scurrying about, what shall I eat enroute?"
"They say you can sup at an establishment known as Starbucks. These inns are located throughout this land, as far away as California."
"And what is this California? I have heard of Spanish settlements on the Pacific Coast of this continent with that name. But that is on the far side of Indian Country. Never mind. I must make haste to Philadelphia."
Washington makes his way to Philadelphia taking a morning train. He is met at the station and transported to Independence Hall. There he meets his old friends and fellow Founding Fathers, Thomas Jefferson and John Hancock.
"Thomas, it is good to see you, even if it is in this blasted new world. And John, it is certainly a pleasure."
Jefferson shakes his hand, "General, the honor is certainly ours. It is high time that we continue our labors in producing this magnificent declaration of our independence from England."
"Certainly, have you constructed a draft that I may mark up with my quill?"
"General, I am informed that we must use this device with a viewing glass. The words are projected as thus and can be changed repeatedly until one is satisfied with the text. I do not believe people here are capable of handling a quill and paper."
Washington looks dubious at this news. "Well Thomas, it is good that we can alter the document. It is clear to me that we must make radical revisions to accommodate the perplexities of this new world. For instance, we must add a clause to control the number of people in this overpopulated region. And we must put a stop to this endless noise and rushing about and excessive use of machinery. It seems to me that this land is unlivable. It certainly does not look like the America of our time."
And so we take our leave of the Founding Fathers in their current predicament in the modern world. I think we can all concur with the astute observation of the Heritage Foundation, that our America is looking less and less like the America of our Founding Fathers. Certainly George Washington would agree ...